Battle of Whits: The Kids Menu
by Cleo the Muse
Summary: Daniel and Jack go out to eat; Jack gets creative with the menu. Little Jack kidfic.


**The Kids Menu** by Cleo the Muse  
All Ages  
Gen, Family, Friendship, Humor, Kidfic (Aware Jack)  
Synopsis: Daniel and Jack go out to eat; Jack gets creative with the menu.  
Status: Completed August 5, 2008  
Notes: No, I didn't miss an apostrophe in the title. Oh! And I've decided to call this series (which includes "December 24th - Teddy Bear" and "Reap What You Sow") "Battle of Whits". No chronological order to 'em yet, though.

* * *

**The Kids Menu**

Colonel Jack O'Neill sensed he was being watched from the moment he and Daniel entered the sandwich shop. At first, his natural paranoia had him making covert sweeps of the restaurant, looking for suspicious characters who might wish him or the archaeologist harm. A moment later, he spotted them.

_Oh, yes,_ he decided, very _suspicious indeed_.

Now, Jack knew he was a fair specimen of the human race, but in his present five year-old form, he wasn't the type to draw the sort of looks coming his direction, nor was he likely to be the subject of the whispers being exchanged by the pair of gorgeous brunettes seated near the restrooms. No, he decided, _he _wasn't the one being watched, it was his perennially clueless best friend-slash-guardian, Doctor Daniel Jackson.

A sudden, wicked thought came over him. Tugging on Daniel's hand, he whispered, "I've gotta go to the bathroom."

"Can it wait 'til after we've ordered?" Daniel asked, frowning.

"No, I have to go _now_." Jack deliberately added a bit of plaintive whining to his voice. "You don't have to go with me, you know... I can do it myself."

"Can you reach the sink okay?"

"This place always keeps a stool under the sink, remember?"

Daniel's brow creased for a moment, then eased. "All right, Jack, but--"

"--Holler if anyone tries to grab me," Jack finished. "Yadda. Oh, and just order my usual."

"That's fine, but you're not getting jalapenos on it."

"Daniel!"

The archaeologist crossed his arms. "No, Jack. Your palate's not up to foods that spicy yet... or have you forgotten the two big glasses of milk it took to cool your mouth after you ate some of Feretti's Four Alarm Chili?"

"It wasn't _that_ bad," Jack grumbled. "Oh, _fine_. No jalapenos, but have them put some of that brown mustard on there."

"Deal."

Scampering off to the bathroom, Jack took care of business--he really _did _have to pee--carefully washed his hands, then cautiously peered out the men's room door.

Just as he'd hoped, Daniel was occupied with placing his order with the "sandwich artist". Pasting a guileless expression on his face, Jack walked up to the table at which the brunette babes sat.

Taking advantage of the ability his new size gave him, he bluntly announced, "My dad said you're both pretty hot."

One of the women, he noted, had a ring on her finger. The other, however, did not. "Oh, did he?" asked the apparent bachelorette.

"Uh-huh. 'Course we _were_ talking about jalapenos just before that, so I might've misheard him. But I think he said that, yeah."

"You're a pretty cute kid," Married Chick grinned.

Bachelorette nodded. "I bet you get your looks from your dad, huh?"

"Everybody says I look more like my mom," Jack answered, which was true when he was a kid the first time, "but she's been dead a few years, so it's just me and dad."

He had to clamp down hard on the urge to grin triumphantly; he could almost _see_ the gears turning in Bachelorette's head. _Widower, single, good-looking_... Add a "cute kid" to the mix and Bachelorette was eyeballing Daniel as the future father of her _own_ children.

"You and your dad come here often?" Married Chick asked. "On a diet" though she might be, it clearly didn't keep her from looking at the menu. From the expression on both women's faces, Daniel must have looked like a particularly decadent dessert.

"About once a week or so," Jack answered. "He's a doctor, so he doesn't get a whole lot of time off. Then when he _is_ home, he's always dragging me out to a museum, or the opera, or some movie where the people don't even speak English so they hafta put the words on the screen..."

Okay, so maybe _that_ bit was an exaggeration, but Bachelorette was practically salivating. _Doctor, wealthy, cultured_...

Uh-oh, Daniel was at the cash register now. "I hafta go. Bye!" Giving the women a small wave, he scooted back up the aisle and rejoined his "dad" just as Daniel was picking up the tray with their food on it.

After picking bottles of milk and water and two bags of apples out of the cooler--heaven forbid Jack get a soda or chips--Daniel turned and looked around. "Where do you want to sit?" he asked.

"Next to the door," Jack answered, pointing.

Five minutes later, Bachelorette and Married Chick collected their trash, disposed of it at the waste receptacle near the restroom, then headed up toward the door. Jack made sure his mouth was full of club sandwich as the women approached, so that his impending grin would be otherwise occupied with chewing.

Bachelorette dropped a carefully-folded napkin on the table. "Give me a call some time," she smiled at Daniel, then winked at Jack. "'Bye, cutie!" Giggling, the two women exited the shop, waving over their shoulders at Daniel.

Daniel sat open-mouthed for a moment. "Jack? Any particular reason--?"

Jack swallowed and took a gulp of milk. "How should I know?" he answered, innocently.

Author's Notes: Oh, that Jack's a little stinker...


End file.
